If you have ever lived in Vegas, you know that there's always some a-hole at the local bar that claims to hit 70 percent. Incidentally, he's the same guy that drives a truck with 32-inch wheels and testicles hanging from the hitch who is constantly trying to compensate for the fact that he has a two-inch dick. His life is largely a lie and far from picking consistent winners, his football wagering is limited to a once-a-week, $10 parlay at Sunset Station, a bet that he had made for the last seven years without it ever hitting one time - but as his entire office knows, he 'almost' hits it every week. Just one game away.
So when we say, we've hit 70 percent of our bets, we realize it sounds just as pathetic as the dude at the bar. Except unlike in his case, it happened. Also, unlike him we're willing to admit that at some point very soon, we'll be lucky to hit two of 10. We've done this with smoke and mirrors.
A couple thoughts before The Super Play of the Day ...
On Thursday, the Dodgers clinched the NL West, defeating the Diamondbacks in Phoenix, 7-6, and capping one of largest in-season comebacks in MLB history. During the ensuing celebration, a few Los Angeles players reveled in the moment by taking a swim in the Chase Field pool, located beyond the right field fence. Only a resentful, overly sensitive douchebag could have possibly interpreted it as anything but harmless fun. Enter Diamondbacks President and CEO Derrick Hall.
"I could call it disrespectful and classless, but they don't have a beautiful pool at their old park and must have really wanted to see what one was like," Hall told USA Today in perhaps the most childish email ever written by an executive of a professional sports team.
Other members of the organization were similarly not amused, most notably part-time infielder Willie Bloomquist, who said, "I'll give credit where credit's due: They won the division, so congratulations to them. I would expect someone to act with a little more class. I highly doubt the New York Yankees would do something like that."
For a moment let's ignore the fact that 41-year old Dodger Stadium is to this day one of the jewels of baseball, not some ramshackle, broken down relic of the past that Hall seems to suggest. Also, let's try to forget that the Yankees, Bloomquist's archetypal class organization, basically spent the entire summer attempting to publicly defame one of their own players, Alex Rodriguez, in thus far a vain attempt void his contract, because clearly he was one of the very few players of his era to use performance enhancing drugs.
Having lived in Phoenix for more the 15 years, there's something wonderfully ironic about the D'Backs suddenly becoming arbiters of what's constitutes class. But good irony is often funny, this is just ridiculous.
We'll start with their precious pool. There's a reason Arizona was the first team to build one: It's a terrible idea. It's the ball park equivalent of the bicep barbed wire tattoo in which bros of the 1990s gave their full embrace. It may have seemed cool at first, but it's garish and ostentatious, and now more than anything serves as an apt metaphor for the sort of excesses that ultimately led to the city's sky-high home foreclosure rate.
Also, Diamondback fans are nothing if not refined. Anyone that has ever been to Chase Field can tell you that the highlight of every game is certainly not anything that occurs on the field. It's the animated ketchup, mustard and relish race that appears on the Jumbotron during the seventh inning stretch. You've never seen a group of people so pleased.
And we'd like to remind everyone that the team's colors were teal and purple for a decade. Teal and purple. A decade. Class.
But in the end, none of this matters. Just like it doesn't matter that Arizona had one of the most steroid-infused rosters of all-time during their heyday in the early 2000s, when Luis Gonzales, Jay Bell, Steve Finley and Matt Williams all suddenly had career power numbers at precisely the same time.
Ultimately, this is about a team that has yielded 18 games in the standings to Dodgers since June 15, and was in first place as recently as July 1. You'd think they'd worry less about who's swimming in their pool and more about actually staying competitive over the course of the second half of the year.
It's pretty simple: Win more games, and you don't have to worry about who's doing what in your stupid fucking pool...
After the Seahawks beat down the 49ers on Sunday night, a San Francisco couple wrote the worst letter to the editor of all time (Unsportsmanlike conduct in Seattle)...
The Jags sent out the following tweet sometime yesterday afternoon:
To which The Fake ESPN responded in perhaps the tweet of the year:
The Super Play of the Day
Falcons +2
Other plays
Saints -7
Bengals +2.5
The Jags sent out the following tweet sometime yesterday afternoon:
Just landed in Seattle. #Jaguars pic.twitter.com/gRzAzwkYme
— Jacksonville Jaguars (@jaguars) September 21, 2013
To which The Fake ESPN responded in perhaps the tweet of the year:
Congrats on your only touchdown this weekend. RT @jaguars: Just landed in Seattle. #Jaguars pic.twitter.com/1LpyupfkSi
— The Fake ESPN (@TheFakeESPN) September 22, 2013
The Super Play of the Day
Other plays
Saints -7
Bengals +2.5
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