There was a time when the NCAA tournament was the best event in sports. Not any more. Due to a declining on-court product and the pervasiveness of 'one-and-dones' (which are no doubt interconnected), it relinquished its spot to the NFL playoffs long ago. And with college football gaining more momentum with each year, you could make the argument that there are multiple Saturdays each Fall that create just as much buzz, and certainly generate better TV ratings.
Still, flaws and all, the first Thursday and Friday of the tournament continue to have outsize appeal. They also happen to be degenerate gambler's wet dream.
In life, there are a couple essential truths. Never trust a big butt and smile. Skip Bayless is an asshole. Don't go to Syria on vacation.
Another one: Las Vegas is the only place to watch the tourney.
It's something everyone should experience at least once. No matter how much money you lose (it will be a lot) or how many brain and liver cells are irreversibly damaged (countless), it's worth it.
You see every game, you bet every game (if you're doing it right) and you drink without consequence for nearly 14 straight hours. Each day.You simply can't do that at any of the host sites, which are usually in awful places like Buffalo or Spokane, where Dave and Buster's is the chief cultural center in town.
As longtime Vegas veterans during the tournament, we developed the following list of betting don'ts. We've never won. Trust us, we know.
- Plying yourself with booze for close to 14 straight hours – Sure, it’s fun and undoubtedly good for you. But, surprisingly, there seems to be an inverse relationship between consuming large amounts of booze and turning a profit. Some studies have shown that binge drinking can actually hamper the decision-making process. Strange.
- Placing multiple bets because it means you’ll get more drink tickets – Most books on The Strip will throw you a bone and hand out a couple of complimentary drink vouchers each time you make a wager at the betting window. Sharp drinkers have spotted the obvious loophole, taking advantage of the system by slyly placing additional bets in effort to make off with even more free booze. The problem is that it's actually possible to lose such bets, meaning those 'free' drinks can be quite expensive when everything nets out.
- Actually betting every game – There are 32 games over the first two days. That sounds like a lot. But you have a buddy who is locked into Seth Davis on Twitter and watches GameDay every Saturday morning, giving him an obvious advantage over the guys who set betting lines for a living. So what if you've never heard of Stephen F Austin, where it's located or who they are playing. Go for it: Your buddy is locked in.
- At halftime, running up to the window to place a bet without knowing what the second-half lines are or who you want to bet, only that you want to place some kind of bet, perhaps many – Betting for the sake of betting, while seemingly a can't lose system, has been known to backfire in a few isolated cases. Again, alcohol often is a factor, as some longtime observers say there is a strong associative relationship between a blood-alcohol level over .20 and such a strategy.
- Chasing – Despite conventional wisdom, chasing is not foolproof. You've lost all day, so it can’t continue all night, right? The logic is undoubtedly sound. Even so, some experts in the industry claim that unsuccessful bettors lose consistently for a reason: Their earlier losses were part of an overall pattern of bad decisions rather than an aberration. Chasing, therefore, is merely doubling down using the same type of flawed thinking that got you in the hole in the first place. Doubtful. But worth considering.
More don'ts include hitting the tables to recoup the losses (gold) and parlaying all the no. 1 seeds on the halftime line (never fails) – but if you stay true to five mentioned above, the odds are in your favor that you'll be able to replicate our experience, almost exactly.
Good luck.
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