January 29, 2014

Regular Playhouse readers (there are four) will notice that we have not posted in this space since December 8, for which we apologize. But shit happens, and when you have very young children and shit happens, it's not called shit, it's called life, and it tends to gets serious real quick - which explains our absence.

And while everyone is now fine, enjoying robust good health, a dose of perspective suddenly made this silly blog seem ridiculously trivial.

Which no doubt is. But life goes on, and today we make our triumphant return.

Earlier this week, gambling tout, internet scam artist and all-around terrible dude(s) Incarcerated Bob, along with his various alter egos on Twitter, reported that according to his (their) 'sources' boxer and well-known sports gambler Floyd Mayweather Jr had dropped an eight-figure bet on the Broncos.

Challenged, he (they) provided the following evidence: As one of the highest paid athletes in the world, Floyd could easily afford it. Ballgame. Case closed. Nothing to see here. It's obviously true.

Or not.

Anyone with just a cursory knowledge of the sports gambling industry can tell you that this 'report' is total bullshit. No book would take even a tenth of that action, and even if Mayweather spread it around to multiple shops using runners, he ultimately would have to hit every house on The Strip, because most have much lower limits than even that.

But the rumor spread swiftly through Twitter and the internet like a bad virus, with even a few mainstream outlets picking it up and running with it - which is exactly what Incarcerated Bob wanted in the first place.

In his honor, we've come up with 50 things more legitimate than Incarcerated Bob and his 'sources.'

1. Bernie Madoff's trading profits
2. Jayson Blair's journalism career
3. Allen Stanford's knighthood
4. Bigfoot
5. Dick Cheney's hunting skills
6. First Take
7. Wealthy Nigerian families seeking help via email
8. Reverse mortgages
9. This guy
10. The Loch Ness Monster
11. Balloon Boy
12. The officiating in Super Bowl XL
13. Lance Armstrong's Tour de France victories
14. Enron's stock price
15. Josh Brent's prison sentence
16. Danny Almonte's Little League World Series performance
17. A-Rod
18. Adam Sandler's movies
19. Mike Price's tenure at Alabama
20. Every plot line of Beverly Hills 90210
21. Rich Kotite
22. Dan Snyder
23. The PGA Tour's non-profit status
24. Rob Ford
25. My Space
26. The academic integrity of every FBS football program
27. Friday Night Tykes
28. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's understanding of history
29. Mark May
30. Jerry Jones the GM
31. Super Bowl Media Day
32. The fans who paid $28.50 to attend Super Bowl Media Day
33. Dick Morris' prognostications
34. Anthony Weiner
35. MLB umpires
36. Steve Sarkisian's qualifications for the USC job
37. Mike and Mike
38. Manti T'eo's girlfriend
39. Pete Thamel's SI profile of Manti Teo
40. Pete Thamel
41. The job this mother did parenting her child
42. Daft Punk winning awards
43. Sochi's mayor
44. Tiger Woods
45. Tom Brady saying the Patriots win with 'graciousness'
46. The Blackberry
47. This tattoo 
48. Tesla's stock price
49. Bud Selig cleaning up the game
50. Rick Reilly's career post SI